The Fifty-Ninth MinuteWith increasing regularity, the Earth was coming under threat by alien menaces other than the Decepticons. It made sense, the Autobot known as Pyro supposed; the planet was both out of the way and ideally located, depending on where you were coming from. Or which way you were going. The universe was funny like that.
First, I must tell you that I have watcher neither Doctor Who nor the Transformers, but I like to get an outside perspective on my fan fiction, so hopefully I can be of some use.
I really like how the piece opens: it introduces us to the world and I like the rather ironic tone of narration. I especially like the line, "He had a rather strange face, but not the strangest they had on file."
As an outside reader, I got confused at the third paragraph because I did not realize Pyro was the autobot. The term "autobot" does not suggest a sentient being to me and Pyro certainly is such. In fact, from the opening I thought Pyro might be a human spy/criminal who regularly changed his identity and so thought he was "the man." This confusion is cleared by the fifth paragraph, but if a change could be made earlier (perhaps saying that Pyro had taken a man on board) I think that would be helpful.
Now I don't know the character Pyro, but I didn't care for his initial dialogue. It seemed a bit rambly and goofy and at odds with the more detached ironic tone established by the narrator. I did not have this problem with the rest of his dialogue and enjoyed his observation that "Surprise birthday parties are out." Although, does this not take place in the future? The mention of the TV show LOST through me a bit as I'm pretty sure it won't be remembered in a hundred years.
I liked the line, "Pyro paused so the Doctor's phone could ring."
Great way to end the piece! It's a nice framing device and makes this short scene feel complete on it's own.
I do appreciate an outsider's perspective of my fanfics once in a while; it helps me understand how accessible my writing is for a layman. So this is welcome!
Hmm, yes, I can see now how the beginning can be confusing. I originally wrote out the beginning very differently, and when I moved some things around I failed to ensure that the new beginning still had linear exposition. I'm terrible at looking over my own stuff. I see it now, though.
And the dialogue is closer to Pyro's character than the narration. But I don't think there's that much dichotomy. His own personality is based on a previous Doctor's, who could be ironic and serious and rambly all at the same time.
The story is set in the year 2008, actually.
Glad you liked the ending. That was thrown in last minute when I was writing this and struggled for a way to cap it. That was actually my original opener for the story, but then I moved it to the end to add to the sense of timey-wimeyness.
Now I'm a layman! Hehe, nevermind.
Glad it was useful. With the exception of the intro, I think my other points of confusion were only because I am not familiar with either series. It is true you never gave the year, but when there are aliens threatening and enough autobots around that people are familiar with them, well, one assumes it is the future.
In both the Transformers and Doctor Who universes, alien existence is public knowledge by this date. (The original Transformers awoke on Earth in 1984 and didn't keep their existence secret for long.)